#6 Proxemics and Identity (part 2)

In my last post I introduced you to the theory of proxemics (identity being formed from having a sense of belonging and knowing “Who Am I.” in four different spaces.)  Disruption in the development of the psychosocial / spiritual roots of belonging are a main source of dislocation which I will be discussing in future blogs.  All who have experienced dislocation do not become addicts, but all addicts have been dislocated. My use of addiction includes alcohol and other drugs as well as gambling, eating disorders, pornography, shopping etc. We will see the commonality of all addictions in future blogs. But I am getting ahead of myself. 

If you refer to the diagram from my last blog, you will notice there are a series of numbers at the bottom of each space. That is, under Public Space the number is 8, Cultural / Social 4, Personal Friends 2, and Intimate 1. Their purpose is to provide a comparison of the impact of each space on the overall development of identity. Note they add up to 15.

 Identity must be reinforced through life or can be lost. For example consider someone in full blown addiction.  In the Public Space, let’s imagine that their interest, involvement, and conformity in this area is halved giving it a factor of 4. In the Cultural / Social space, the only culture the addict really belongs to is the drug culture and we will give it a 2. Personal Friends are few, and not authentic as it is hard to trust anyone active in the drug culture, so we give it a 1. Our total is now 7. 

Subtracting 7 from 15, leaves 8. The quandary is now where will the addict look to for the other 8 factors of identity?  Most often this is sought through the Intimate Space, and now we can begin to understand co-dependency.  Addict relationships are always toxic as one can never achieve a sense of identity primarily from another person. 

Co-dependency (addiction to another person) is a lack of identity being formed in the spaces other than the Intimate Space. The solution as adults comes from more involvement in the Cultural / Social Space which also enhances identity in the Public Space and Personal Space. Being part of a recovery oriented Cultural /Social Culture may encourage growth in the Public Space like further education, job training, getting over-due medical checkups, paying more attention to nutrition and healthy living habits, or starting to travel to explore other places geographically and culturally.

It is my premise that the church should be the ideal setting for recovery. Couples may attend worship services together, and then participate in individual bible study or other interest groups in the community.  Alanon and Co-dependants Anonymous meetings usually held in church buildings address these issues directly, as do Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous and Sex Addicts Anonymous address other addictions. Celebrate Recovery, a Christ Centered group has a nice balance.
They have a brief worship service and then break into smaller groups for specific addictions.

One of my greatest disappointments over 31 years of experience working as an addictions counselor is the few relationships (often including children) that stay together in recovery. If both partners are addicted they rarely get clean and sober at the same time and grow apart. When one continues to use, the temptation is to get drawn back into the addict culture through contact with them.  When only one of a couple has been addicted and the other doesn’t seek help for their co-dependency they often grow apart. Addiction affects the whole family. Children exposed to the ravages of addiction may be overtly abused and are generally neglected. Children also start taking on family roles abdicated by the parents in their preoccupation either with addiction or their partner’s addiction.

My next post will begin to explore the topic of Dislocation as we continue to consider why 1 of 8 people becomes addicted to alcohol and other drugs.